fat in nappanee

i’ve seemed to have lost my bearings. i’m sitting here typing. feeling the tug around my pants. and the muffin top that is hanging over them. this is a by-product of losing my bearings while being out of town. (most definitely started before my christmas trip, do not get me wrong.) where is my self-control?

i guess more importantly i should be asking myself…where is the Father’s voice? where is my sense of identity? i lose some of this when i get pulled out of my little routine that makes my life sustainable. i keep hearing this the last two days:

the power of choice

i didn’t just hear it once. i heard it yesterday morning when i was putting my makeup on in my mother in law’s black twoil bathroom… and then in the afternoon when i was tempted to skip lunch because of all the junk i’ve been shoving in my face, and then i heard it again when i was getting ready to go to bed. it seems as though i have lost my power of choice over the last several days being away from home. with several things. food. exercise. identity. pursuing the Father’s voice.

things like this aren’t just handed over to you.  you chose them. and sometimes the choice is a fight. yes, choosing isn’t always easy. choice is deliberate. pre-meditated. (it has to be) if we want to choose wisely. and i just want to make sure that what i’m choosing is what i want to be choosing. because every decision i make is a choice that leads me somewhere.

Father,

i miss hearing you. i miss aligning my heart with yours in the morning. even if its only been a few days. i miss you. i miss trading my irrational thoughts for truths that anchor me deep in the ground.

i’m desperate for you. absolutely desperate. rescue me.

ben and I asked his mother if we could leave emri with her while we fled to a place where we could gather our bearings and just align our hearts with God. because mary myers is a generous woman, we sneaked away while the rest of the family ate biscuits and gravy. we are now at a small coffee shop on main street. my husband is sitting across from me with his plaid shirt, grandpa hat, and a toothpick behind his ear. he is sipping on coffee and looking into an opened bible. i’m quite familiar with moments like these. restlessness. time with God. peace. always in that order. its the same every time. i’m going to shut this computer and find peace. i’m already starting to feel it.

 

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