know who you are

you know how lots and lots and lots

of things happen in our lives? every day, every week, over seasons, and years? of course the big stuff we notice, but then there are little details that often go unnoticed.

we have hopes, and dreams, and the plans we make to move forward in what we believe is what we want.

and sometimes it feels as though our hopes and dreams or even our plans are not going to work.

that maybe they have gone unrecognized. or maybe that we go unrecognized.

but what if all the things that happens to us, every single day, are perfect building blocks on which God is using to fulfill all that we have hoped, planned, and desired? even the small details that go unnoticed?

what if we don’t even know our deepest desires yet?

i have a few hopes and dreams.

i want the world to know that Jesus is alive and real.

i also want emri to know Jesus.

i want her to know that he is alive and real.

that there may be very difficult seasons in her life ahead, but that Jesus is tangible even then.

and that Jesus came to restore her life.

that she doesn’t have to be afraid.

and that because of the fantastic news that Jesus died on the cross to exchange our life for his… she has what it takes.

that she doesn’t have to live in insecurity or take on our culture’s view of what a woman should be.

we can’t tell her who she is, only God can.

but we can create the space for Him to.

we can do our part.

and the big question is, what does that look like for us as parents? what is our part?

i encountered God for the first time when i was 17. and i was so immature and new in all of it that

i zealously plowed through people with my ideas. and good grief. things were so black and white to me. God was so gracious with me. and the more

i pressed into the life of Jesus, and the way he lived, and the things he taught… it  humbled me.

sometimes i am able to position myself before God in a way that allows me to actually hear him and see him.

the view is breathtaking. and humbling all at the same time.

 the kind of humility i experience before God is safe. its just safe. and its spacious and free. and i can finally breath.

because for once i am no longer trying to be someone or prove myself. i breathe in and out. and i’m reminded that i’m loved just as i am.  i don’t have to become anything or do anything so great to know that either. and the moments that i have felt the closest to the Lord and the most intimate with him have been the times when i have felt lost in my brokenness. places in my life where i couldn’t seem to get anything right. and from my small experience in knowing Jesus, i just believe that he has a “thing” for those who are hurting and those who seem to flounder. he is drawn to them. i think that is why he is so drawn to me. maybe that’s why i can’t get away from him. he’s on to me. and he wont’ let me go.

and somehow when i first started to believe in God and the whole Jesus thing… i thought i was pretty special. i felt super “called”. and set a part. and my whole mindset was pretty selfish. its kind of embarrassing to admit, but its really true. and i think that’s how a lot of christians or catholics…or any other jesus believing people feel at first.

and if we keep going with this whole God thing….we either develop as we are humbled through the realization that you are no more “called” or “chosen” than the annoying homeless guy at the plaza sitting on an upside-down bucket asking for a couple bucks for a burger. (is he even homeless?) and that God wants to heal him just as he longs to heal you. you are no more special than the rest. and they are no more special than you.

i think its easy in our american culture to want to feel extra “special”. its like we want to work hard to be our “own person”. we give people in hollywood more credit than what is appropriate. or maybe even people we see on facebook. and we also judge ourselves for not being more unique or gifted or whatever.

and its all wrong.

we are all loved and adored. and we are all equally called and chosen.

sometimes we don’t get to that realization and we flounder in legalism and judgement. pointing our fingers at people who don’t believe like we do. having a whole lot to say about a whole lot of stuff, pushing people farther and father away from the Jesus we claim we believe in.

while in all actuality, if that is the state of our hearts, we are far away from his heart too.

i guess what i’m getting at is that we don’t have to be anybody other than who we are right now to experience the fulfilling of our hopes and desires.

not that i believe that things just get placed on our laps with no effort.  maybe sometimes.

i believe in effort. heck i believe our lives are battles. and that it may cost us everything.

i think its important we know that we are already everything we need to be.

so my challenge is this. in the midst of all of  your plans, your hopes, and your dreams… take a deep breath. create some space in your life and ask God to tell you who you are.

ask Him to speak your identity to you.

***

4 thoughts on “know who you are

  1. This was part of my time with Jesus today. It’s just what i needed to read and let sink in. So good. Thank you for sharing Kerri. Your heart for Jesus is so attractive.

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