save the drama for your mama

the title of this post is a joke.

i was just re-reading my last post. and i wrinkled my nose as i read through some of it.

did i really share all that? embarrassing.

i’m sure you are probably like,

“uhm… are you aware of all that you write and post? because its pretty much all like that.”

to which i might respond

“good point.”

 i often feel compelled, for whatever reason, to share quite a bit of personal information.

i also try no to think about it too much.

just press publish.

all it takes is a few brave seconds to click publish. and then its there.

for anyone to read.

i want to take a second and say thank you for all the little messages and responses i get sometimes. not that there are many. but there are more than i would ever expect and they remind me to keep telling my story. even if my story is lame. or seems over-dramatic. or too spiritual.

the things is, i don’t feel like its just my story. i feel like it our story. different chapters. different seasons. different characters.

but the underlining themes in our stories are the same.

when i first started reading my bible, i was astounded to read things about Jesus that i just never knew.

like he actually wanted me to be real.

even if real meant ugly.

because that particular kind of ugly-real is just really beautiful to him. and He’s always been a very safe place for me get real.

he’s my hesed. my safe house. i have a covenant relationship with him. i have his everlasting love. its mine. and i have his favor surrounding me. no matter what.

and so to pour out my heart to him is safe.

and it doesn’t matter what kind of pain i’m experiencing. even if it doesn’t necessarily makes sense to some people. or even myself. he get us. he gets you. when no one else does.

right after i re-read my last blog post and said to myself

did i really share all that? embarrassing.

and then I naturally started second guessing myself…

however,

i started immediately reading in psalms and here is what i read,

psalms 39

i was mute and silent

i held my peace to no avail, and my distress grew worse.

my paraphrase: { permission to grieve. if you pretend you aren’t feeling pain, it will get worse}

my heart became hot within me. as i mused, the fire burned; then i spoke

o lord make me know my end

and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting i am!

behold, you have made my days a few hand breaths and my lifetime is as nothing before you. surely all mankind stands as a mere breath.

my paraphrase {don’t take yourself so seriously. our lives are short. no one is any better than anyone else}

and what wait i for? my hope is in YOU.

DELIVER ME.

(you would think God is alive and real or something. that he actually is talking to me.) 😉

i believed that was him. settling the dispute in my heart.

and HE gave me assurance that its okay to share my story. i have nothing to prove. i just have what i know. just my experience. i have only to share my story.

and i encourage you to tell yours. maybe not on the internet 😉 but maybe!

maybe with just a few people. but share your story.

there is permission to grieve and feel the pain that you feel. in fact, if you don’t let yourself feel, and if you don’t pour your pain at the feet of the One who loves you more than anyone else, you won’t experience the healing you need.

at least thats my experience.

i found healing this week.

some miraculous things happened at work, making my job more manageable.

i distinctly remember feeling significant amounts of hope and faith rising up in me.

and i had rest.

those are some pretty marvelous breakthroughs for me right now.

and i won’t save the drama.

i’ll shout it.

because its good news.

wherever you are, whatever you are carrying, God will deliver you. he is HERE. he REIGNS. and he is bringing you GOOD NEWS.

and we are LOVED.

we still see and carry pain. we still see things that have yet to be fully restored. but we have the hope that one day every broken thing will be restored. i feel like God gives us reminders of that hope through the good things that we do see.  they serve as a shadow of things to come.

and so today my challenge is to look for God’s goodness in my life. in whatever form its in.

and if i look, i’ll see it.

 its in the sense of peace and rest that i’m beginning to feel again after a difficult season in my life

 its in my daughter who handed me these flowers while sitting on my new swing in the backyard.

its in the 100.00 trader joe’s gift card i found in my mail box.

its in the yellow knock out rose bushes that are in full bloom next to my porch.

its in the oversized puppy who is one mass ball of white cloud- gaily leaping around the backyard like a gazelle as i type.

its in daniel and stacey woodall who came to visit us and retiled our bathroom floor and built a door for our bedroom on their spring break

its in kyle and jessica blake who sent us off on a date to our favorite restaurant and coffee shop all expense paid

its in lindsey sturman who at every opportunity offers to watch emri so ben and i can go on a date.

its in the 300.00 we found taped to our front door from my parents and sisters when our car broke down.

its in my neighbor emily who left a blue, anthropologie egg crate on my front porch when our chickens started laying eggs just to say

“in celebration of eggs!” on one particularly difficult day.

its in my beautiful mother who watches my emri while i trail off to a job i don’t want to go too.

its in my husband and his thick manly beard who tells me over and over

“babe, you’re doing great”

and as i recount all of the little and big provisions over the last several months i’m crying again.

yep. i see glimpses of Jesus in those things. not just glimpses, but like serious blinding rays of God’s goodness.

they serve as stones…reminders that

HE IS HERE

HE REIGNS

HE IS BRINGING GOOD NEWS

***

2 thoughts on “save the drama for your mama

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