brutal day

its been brutal today.

thank you for all the sweet messages.

your thoughts and words have comforted me today.

we dropped em off with my mom and took decker for his last appointment this morning.

i just needed to be super confident in our decision to put him down.

that’s all i was praying for.

we thought we needed a second opinion from a specialist.

she said the mass of tissue is aggressive, its taking out bone mass, he’s losing teeth, its up behind is eye, and into his brain most likely.

and that it didn’t look good.

she acted as if it was cancer but wouldn’t say. she recommended an expensive, invasive biopsy.

and we were faced with what seemed like a bottomless pit of expenses with no recovery.

she pushed for a biopsy but ben felt strongly that we should just put him down. he seemed to be in pain. the left side of his face looks so pitiful.

his eye is all swollen and red.

we prayed and decided today we needed to put him down.

while his quality of life was still decent. and we both had the day off together.

we said our goodbyes.

it was so sad.

ben left with decker and i felt sick.

my mom came over to sit with me while ben took decker.

i cried.

and then my phone rang.

it was the specialist.

my heart sank.

why is she calling me right now????

i answered. heart racing.

she told me that she felt strongly that it could be benign and that there was a chance that she could remove whatever mass of tissue there was during the biopsy and said that there is a chance it could just be an infection that could be cleared with an antibiotic.

and that if it was cancerous, k state has offered to cover all of the oncology costs.

 why is she calling me now??

i call ben.

has it happened?


has the doctor put him down?

(my heart is racing)

he has started to.

you mean he’s had the injection?

no. just the anesthesia. he’s asleep on the floor.

(heart still racing)

ben, i don’t think we should do it just yet.


the doctor called and said that k state has offered to treat decker cost free.

after what seemed like an hour of conversation and tears, we decided to bring decker back home.

he’s getting a biopsy tomorrow morning.

decker is still pitiful.

we feel like we just grieved his little death only to find out that he’s still alive and we might have to do this all over again.

for tonight, we are getting rest.

with a little hope.

thank you for your prayers. i know he’s just a dog, but he’s such a sweet one. and we need your prayers.

decker resting his head on ben’s shoulder in the car while he talks to the vet


3 thoughts on “brutal day

  1. This might sound nuts, but when I read your earlier post I thought about how the Bonness’ dog was given a hopeless prognosis and Jon’s brother-in-law prayed for healing over him and he was healed. I thought about that and sort of prayed a pitiful little half-hearted prayer for Decker. I hope that prayer had more power behind it then I even mustered and that Decker can join Bear in the ranks of the miraculously healed canines! I’m sorry the day was so rough. I’m praying for peace and a clear decision. Love you guys!

  2. That sure is a brutal day and tears streaming down my face. I will pray for sweet Decker that this is benign. I had to put my dog down a few years ago and it was tough, I feel your pain. I will pray for your strength. Take care of yourself.

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