like eden

samuel has stolen our hearts. -and quite a bit of our time šŸ™‚

since i’m nursing, most of the day is spent feeding samuel.

emri likes to take advantage of my occupied time. doing naughty things while i can’t do anything about it. and same with ella, our stinker dog. she jumps up on the bed and looks at me like, “what are you going to do about it now?”

well nothing. i cant do a darn thing.

also. i have found hundreds. seriously hundreds of pictures and videos that emri records on my phone while i’m nursing and doing otherĀ miscellaneousĀ things.

and they are not pretty.

many hideous angles. i’ve come to the conclusion that my facial expressions take odd shapes when i think no one is watching. heaven forbid there would me a gazillion pictures of them. emri, at least let me know so i can suck in and smile.

i’m tempted to add one of those hideous pictures of myself onto my fitness pal for extra motivation.

so one of the most life-giving things for me to do is spend time reading scripture.

we are in transition with a sweet newborn so i don’t have a whole lot of time for that. reading my bible is so precious to me and i knew that it was going to have to look different for me when samuel got here.

so instead of reading my bible, i’m writing out verses that speak to me.

Ā  truths that God is calling me to claim. truth that God wants to change my life with.

i’ve been asking myself this question a whole lot lately: if i don’t allow truth to sink into my skin and change my behavior, what good is it?

i don’t want to just know scripture. i want it to change my life, you know?

sadly, i often move past verses and chapters, inspired, but not changed.

i want to change. i deeply want to be changed. i want to be freed from my many idols that entangle and enslave me. sounds dramatic huh? and what do i even mean when i say idols that enslave me? i mean i get trapped in things that promise to give me a sense of worth and accomplishment. Ā when i can only receive my sense of worth from the one that created me. to me, freedom is knowing who i am a part from what i’m producing. trying to earn identity from success is imprisonment.

i usually move through a book in the bible, writing notes in my journal. writing out little prayers. writing out verses and then moving on.

but this time, i’m writing down every verse that calls out to me and i’m not letting them go.

and i’m not moving on until i have these verses memorized. until i see evidence of the truth changing me.

because why move on until the truth changes you? what is the point?

what is the point of eloquent sermons, beautiful well-studied talks…if they don’t change our lives forever?

so i’m taking these verses to the grave. i’m standing upon them.

and i sit here surrounded by a million promises throughout the bible. promises that keep hope alive. promises that give me purpose. and identity. and a deep sense of joy. verses that awaken my heart to a greater awareness of the way God loves us. verses that remind me that i’m in a battle and to stand up and fight.

verses that cause me to lay my idols, my fears, and pain at the feet of Jesus. and when i do…i see God. and his beauty and worth.

and a glimpse of that is greater than anything i’ve ever known.

and i feel like the richest woman in the world with my storehouse of truth. here are just a few verses from my storehouse. pretty incredible, huh?

psalms 96: 5-6

for all the gods of the people are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens.

splendor and majesty are before him. Ā strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.

what this means to me:

investing the majority of your life into material possessions and worldly success and riches is worthless. you want to see worth? look at the sky. look at creation. pretty brilliant huh? there is a God behind all that you see who has extraordinary power. who is worthy of your affection. if you invest your life into what made all that you see, you will find splendor and majesty. you will also experience real strength and beauty.

isaiah 33:6

he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is zion’s treasure.

what this means to me:

he will be abundant with me in every season. he will hold me when things are shaky. he will use all things in my life to rescue me and help me learn from every experience. he treasures it when i stand in awe of what he is able to do in my life.

isaiah 30:19

he will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. as soon as he hears it, he answers

what this means to me:

he is always gracious with me. i can expect him to respond to my prayers as soon he hears my familiar voice. he is aggressive with my prayer requests.

romans 8: 31-32

what shall we say to these things? Ā if GOD is for us, who can be against us? Ā he who did not spare his own son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

what this means to me:

there is NOTHING. NOTHING. that he will keep from me. if it is good, he wants it for me. if there is something that i am longing for…he will move on my behalf. and if there is something in my life that has been lost or broken. he will make it right. maybe i won’t see this quickly. but one day all things in my life that i long for will be fulfilled and restored. he won’t hold back.

ephesians 2:4

but GOD, rich in mercy because of his great love with which he loved us, even when we were together in our sin and dead. he made us alive together with him…

so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace and kindness towards us in Christ Jesus.

what this means to me:

because of sin i was totally separated from God. and dead. and when i was broken and dead he came and got me. before i had anything pleasant to offer him, he was proud of me and loved me and believed in me. and wanted to give me everything.

isaiah 51:3

for the Lord comforts zion. He comforts all her waste places. he makes her wilderness like eden. Ā her desert like the garden of the LORD. JOY and GLADNESS will be found in her. thanksgiving and the voice of song.

what this means to me:

God is deeply concerned about us. he is moved by our pain. and he comforts all of our broken places if we let him. even the deeply rooted stuff that we suppress. he wants to restore and heal every broken place in our lives. he wants to restore it like the way things were in the garden of eden. before sin. before an enemy told us we were naked. that we should be ashamed. that we are lacking. that we don’t have what it takes. i feel like as women, we feel shame so much. like we aren’t good enough. but there was a time when a woman named eve was naked and unashamed. she was exposed and she was comfortable in her skin. and she walked with God in the cool of the day. seeing him and hearing him speak. uninhibited.God wants to take us back there. to restore joy and gladness. to give us a new song.



2 thoughts on “like eden

  1. Well this is inspiring.
    Well done!

    I used to try to will put dog to do something for me like the dog in Peter Pan while I was nursing. Like, “look into my eyes and go get me a drink of water.” It never worked. Booo. I can only hope you make a photo book of emri’s work. šŸ˜‰

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