i love spending time with Jesus. i love the way quiet sounds. i love to retreat away from all that demands my attention…
and i love the stillness that follows. i love hearing the small noises around my house that usually go unnoticed. the hum of the dishwasher. the sound of my dog snoring at my feet, a car driving by. it feels as though Jesus has been waiting for me in those moments. its as though He sits behind me in the chair and i imagine that he rubs my back, like nancy kahler when she senses how tired we are. or like my husband who never refuses my request for a short prenatal massage. Jesus is there in those places and his presence is accepting. i feel my body relax as i take in the moment. i’m familiar with these times. they have become absolutely necessary for me. as necessary as clothing. how awkward for you (and others) to leave the house without being clothed? or like eating breakfast. i’m one of those people who cannot go without a snack or a meal. that’s when hangry happens. and its uncomfortable for all involved. that’s how my heart feels without Jesus rubbing my back and releasing me from the unnecessary pressures i put on myself.
Jesus isn’t overwhelming for me. the world is.
Jesus doesn’t put unrealistic expectations on me. He doesn’t promise to satisfy me if I spend money on one more thing, nor does He promise to make me feel valuable if I DO one more thing that maybe someone expects of me, or maybe something that i expect of myself.
the world sometimes feels like an endless abyss of consumerism and production. Jesus feels like life. like rest.
like healthy and empowering challenges that move me in the right direction. i love finding the truth Jesus is speaking to me in scripture. but also in my day. in people. in my family. in my children. its like being a kid at a park and seeing a glimmer of light flickering on the ground. (was this just me when i was little or did we all feel like anything sparkling on the ground hidden under a leaf was a lost treasure waiting to be found?) it’s a total treasure hunt sometimes. sometimes i don’t find it. i’m a little disappointed when i don’t…but I have enough experience with Jesus to know that if I hang around long enough, i’ll find it. that when i do, it will be worth waiting for and it will be everything i need at the moment. sometimes spending time with Jesus means pressing in when it seems as though Jesus is farther than the moon and when the noises around the house are way too noisy and sitting down feels like the opposite of restful. to that i say, keep on. i have enough hidden treasures stored up to promise you that He’s there. and the truth he will bring will water your heart in a dry and cracked place and make you a little bit more new, free, and alive. a solid piece of flickering gold laying somewhere beneath a few rocks and sticks; muddied with dirt… and it will feel like finding a hidden treasure.